Sometimes I am my own worst enemy. I have learned to sabotage myself so well that I don’t even know I’m doing it until my body screams at me to get my attention. But why? I trust God. I do. I believe that He has all the answers that I need. Sometimes I run into a decision that causes a knee jerk reaction to panic, but on a level so deep I don’t recognize it. On the surface, I say I’m trusting God, but deep down, tension is building because I am trying to work it all out on my own. Not until my head explodes do I see what is going on. I’m so sorry. I repent for my lack of faith, for not really listening to what God is trying to tell me. And guess what? When I do stop and listen, He actually does have the answer I was looking for. So why, why do I put myself through that? Partly because we have an enemy that excels at warfare, and partly because I am still growing in faith. It will get better. I will trust Him more and have fewer headaches. Thank you God for your patience with me.
This is so well expressed. It can be an ongoing cycle can’t it. It will get better, and as you say, he is ever-so-gracious with us.
I’m thankful that I don’t cycle through it as much as I used to, but when I do, it’s painful.
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