Finding My Peace, My Choice

So the curve balls come at me when I’m not looking and I get knocked in the head. It takes me a while to stumble around and find peace again. I haven’t always been very good at that. Once I was nearly hospitalized because I allowed stress to almost kill me. I am not going back there. Ten years ago, I found a verse, well, several. I bookmarked them and read them over and over again now. Finding my peace is a lot easier.

For some reason, Isaiah speaks to me. “Therefore, the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you; And therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is a  God of justice; Blessed are all those who wait on Him.” v. 30:18. When I wonder why in the world have my prayers not been answered, I go back and read. Oh, it’s because God is being gracious to me. It’s His kindness to not jump when I demand. He wants better for me than I do, so He will move in God time.

Then I wonder, well, what exactly should I be doing? And He says, “Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it,’ Whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left” v 30:21. Oh, how I wish I heard an out loud voice telling me that, but I do hear it in my spirit, the urging on, the encouragement to keep going. He created a destiny for me and He wants to see me walking in it. Nothing could be easier, but there is a condition: I have to go to Him. If I turn my back on all that I know to be true, He’ll sadly let me leave. If I keep saying I’ll spend time with Him, but never do, He’ll wait patiently, and all the good things He wants to do for me wait as well. Totally up to me.  I guess it’s not so odd that writing comes so much easier when I’m in peace. Go figure.

I’m back to reading Isaiah again. It is nourishment, I feel stronger. After a while, I hope to walk in Psalm 32:8, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with my eye.” I’m not there yet, but I will be.

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