Character development is an ongoing process. We have so much that we need to unlearn and let go of. Just because we don’t say something mean, doesn’t mean it wasn’t unkind. What I mean is, our tone, our actions can be unkind even if we don’t actually say anything negative.
If someone pushes our buttons and our response is harsh, we might as well have said something offensive, even if we didn’t. If that happens, it’s a good indication that we have more work to do on our character. There’s some deep anger, unforgiveness, or correction that needs to be dealt with.
No one needs to tell you if you need work on your character. We all know what our shortcomings are and we are responsible for our own growth. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. (Rom 12:2) Be transformed, as in–do this. It’s not automatic. It’s something that you must submit to.
Character growth takes time, but it is necessary. If we refuse to be changed, we shut off the will of God in our lives. Heaven will open for you once you submit humbly to allow the Holy Spirit to change you.